Impact

Impact is a word I have been hearing a lot of lately because of an initiative at Church. I suppose like anything that is substantial in scope and communication, at times it can become redundant or even annoying. Lately I think I have been slipping into that category a little, maybe feeling a little over exposed. Today we watched a video presentation that has completely reversed my previous thoughts. The video featured people whose lives had been impacted in various ways by Community Christian Church. Other than extreme pride in the body of believers I am associated with, I was struck in 2 ways. The first hit me as I listened to the stories of life change, saved marriages, freedom from addictions, purpose where there had previously been none, and countless other ways. I realized - I am one of those lives impacted. My marriage was delivered from the brink of destruction, my life was freed from total obsession of self, and my children have a father and not a paycheck (although I wish they could have both!). I am a life changed and impacted. I honestly had a hard time keep the tears from coming, as for a brief moment I contemplated where I would be were it not for God getting a hold of my life through Community.

The second impact to me was that I began to realize all the people I have been apart of impacting. I have been blessed to bring care and support to the fatherless, the friendless and the hopeless. Not because I am a great person, anyone that knows me knows that is not the case. But because of the impact to me, I am moved to make an impact. I open myself to Love God and Love Others. I am so blessed. I truly have the greatest job in the world. At times it is hard, so hard. I feel pulled in more directions than physically possible most days, but I can't imagine my life without this. I am impacted and impactful.

A woman came up to some of us staff members afterwards and had not received a copy of the video that was distributed. I reluctantly looked down at the copy I clutched in my hand and gave it over. There are more somewhere I am sure and I will for sure grab one. I can only imagine that she has been as impacted as me and I hope so.

Surprised in a Pleasant Kind Of Way

This weekend was one of those times where I found myself commenting, at least to myself, on several occasions that I was pleasantly surprised. Most of it had to do with things that impacted me more than I had expected. As I sat and reflected on the events in my quiet time, I decided I should document them here. I have battled back and forth about the purpose of this blog. At times it has been used in shameless promotion of ministry related activities or endeavors. Other times it has been an outlet for emotions and feeling that otherwise stay trapped in my mind, like some secret underground cave. Still other times, the blog is merely a dispenser of information, to share with family and friends. In my attempt to over organize everything, that feels messy and inconsistent. Like a singular theme and style should emerge and remain. Of course, the problem with that is that I, as a fallible, inconsistent human, do not remain the same. My moods and needs change, in some cases like the wind.

Anyway - back to this weekend. It is the weekend before the StuCo Fall semester begins. That is always a hectic time and I am always surprised by that, saying oh it's only because of this change or this new role or whatever. The reality is there is always some new wrinkle that adds just a touch more, and surprises me. I also find myself being quite emotional at the outset, because I take time to look forward to all I hope will happen. Backwards glances occur as well, reminding me of all the memories of times past. This years wrinkles are some significant changes such as new day and time, new equipment, new leaders, and other various improvements. There are also some faces that aren't returning, which I will expand on in a moment, but all in all I find myself pleasantly surprised at my optimistic outlook and energetic zeal for this, my third year of ministry.

Another pleasant surprise was the 20th anniversary service for CCC. I did not have much to do with the planning or implementation of it, so I confess to feeling a little disconnected from the whole affair. Not that I needed something else to do, but I just did not really feel this great anticipation. I was excited to go and like so many, wondered who would show. Well, God showed. It was one of those mountain top experiences with God. As someone I saw noted, the music was great, but not our best. The teaching was inspiring, but nothing earth shattering. The weather, which could have been way worse, was not all that pleasant. There were the usual host of glitches and hiccups - none of which really kept anything from actually happening, but provided some awkward pauses. But at the end of the day, in a crowd of as many as 7,000, the significance was God showed up. There were over 100 baptisms - many of which were decisions on the spot. It was incredible. Nick and Tom, both students of mine, were 2 of those decisions. Both amazing stories and awesome to see. At one point I found myself nearly overcome with emotion, which was quite a surprise. For no to low expectations going in, I was sure blown away walking out.

The final day of this long weekend was a trip to a little college in an even littler town. Through a set of odd and seemingly unfortunate circumstances I got to take someone to the beginning of the next chapter in her life. I was apprehensive because I knew it would be an emotional experience, and traditionally I do not handle those the best. I can honestly say that it impacted me way more than I thought it would. As I walked around the small campus I faced the old demon of a lost dream of my own. I had wanted to go to a small Christian college and get a degree preparing me for a life of ministry. I wanted the investment and knowledge and experience that would propel me towards the grand vision I had in my mind. But that dream was never realized. I am so incredible grateful for the opportunities I have in ministry today. I never would have believed this second chance could be a reality. Still, there is a part of me that was incredibly jealous and envious of Erin, and the opportunity ahead of her. But the experience also made me face something else I don't like to admit too often and that is how attached I can get to people sometimes. Originally, my thought was that the return ride home would be a nice chunk of solitude, which I do not get nearly as often as I would like. However, I found that I was mostly lonely on the way home. Realizing that a significant relationship and a person I loved would not be around as much as I desired. I look forward to visits and long phone calls and I am even learning how to web chat, but for a season it will change from what it was. So in a pleasant, but sobering kind of way, I was reminded that I do let people in, even if only occasionally. It is possible and it is good and it does make me better as a result. I cherish the relationships I do have and it reminds me to take advantage of the opportunities I have while I have them. A pleasant reminder I needed. All of that adds up to more emotions than I normally have on any given weekend.

Misc Ramblings

There used to be a monthly article in Road & Track magazine called Misc Ramblings, written by one of the editors, Peter Egan. It truly lived up to it's title, as Egan would share his random thoughts, from topics both serious to trivial. They were insightful, funny, and always entertaining. I miss those articles. I don't really know what happened to the editorial, or the editor for that matter. My magazine allegiance switched to another publication, and so regardless, the relationship ended. And that is really it - it was a relationship. I never met Egan. If I passed him on the street, I would not recognize him, or embrace him as a long lost friend. We were strangers. Yet, I felt I had access to something incredibly private and personal - his misc ramblings.

This goes back several years and so, it was before the craze of "blogging" had really taken off. It seems lately that blogging has given way to status updates and tweets. Our misc ramblings have been reduced to fortune cookie style blurbs, that are delivered at machine gun pace. I confess to being a status update junkie at times, although I have not yet tweeted. I do not want to degrade something I will probable engage in eventually - after all I did not jump on the blogging bandwagon until lately. But here is my thought - recently I had 2 people that I know who started blogging, and I have thoroughly enjoyed their ramblings. Yet another person has the opportunity to actually blog as a money making endeavor about their forthcoming educational experience. I look forward to following her adventures. I guess at the end of the day, I just enjoy writing and reading. I like the glimpse into someones thoughts that I would not benefit from otherwise. And I suppose whether it is done with rapid fire delivery or long deliberate prose, they are still glimpses I would not have otherwise. Communication is changing. We have so many outlets for it these days. There are times where while updating a status or reading statuses, I am chatting online, and texting and usually the TV or music is playing in the background. How much information can 1 person really process?

These are my Misc Ramblings. They are sure to ramble and almost guaranteed to be misc. But they are a glimpse of me. One that you may not have otherwise, and realizations about myself that I might never have had either, were they not to see the light of day.