A-rest-ed!

An interesting thing happened on the way to small group. No I didn't get arrested. But I learned something. It did not actually happen on the way to group. It happened at group and I am not actually surprised that I learned something. So basically that is the worst intro ever but here is what I walked away with. Our apprentice leader Joe did an awesome job. We are reading through the John Ortberg book "The Life You Have Always Wanted." A deceptive and presumptive title we all decided last night. We read the chapter on scripture reading. Joe challenged as all to really apply the chapter and commit to truly meditating on a verse, a chapter or a book of the Bible. I loved the challenge. It was just what I needed to be honest. It's so easy to get busy and not or to just read as if it's a checklist activity and I can mark it off and move on and never experience the life transformation that is possible.

So my scripture that I have chosen is Psalm 62:1-2. "I find my rest in God alone. He is the one who saves me. He alone is my rock. He is the one who saves me. He is like a fort to me. I will always be secure." I have chosen this because I was recently challenged, either from the book or a message or maybe a combination, on the idea of relying on God for my rest. I have not been a restful sleeper for years. I fall asleep almost immediately. My wife jokes I am like the little toy doll that you lay down and the eyes close because I usually pass out from exhaustion as soon as I am anywhere resembling the prone position. However I never stay that way. Invariable I wake up every hour or two. My mind never rests. As soon as I wake up a myriad of important or mundane things flood my minds eye and I cannot sleep. I toss and turn. I cannot remember the last time I woke up refreshed. The point that somebody was making was that when we do not trust God for our rest we take on all our worries and anxieties because we have to figure them out ourselves. When I trust God and allow my self to relax in His rest because He is in control then I am free to truly refresh and rest. I have pondered this - usually in the wee hours of the night when I am not sleeping. My conclusion is that I need to put it in practice but how do you do that? I cannot stop thinking anymore then I can just will myself to be less hairy. I have to find a way to take those thoughts captive and not by trying to maintain a "blank screen" in my mind. The thoughts have to be taken captive and the point of this weeks chapter is it is when I meditate on the scriptures that I replace the thoughts and distractions with God's word. I like that idea especially as it pertains to my rest dilemma. So here is my plan. Bearing in mind I am neither artistic or excessively computer savvy I have created a plaque to put on my bedside table with Psalm 62:1-2 on it. It is my intention to read it every night as I go to bed to remind me that my rest comes from the Lord. He is my rock and my fortress. It is because of Him that I have what I do and that I get to serve in the way I do. I am anxious to see what impact it has and I am also anxious to see what my fellow group members come up with. There is so much growth taking place in so many people in the group right now. It is such a privilege to be apart of it.

triple hot dog dare

I don't consider myself a hardcore conspiracy theorist but I do enjoy the occasional milder, gentler conspiracy. One of the ones I have developed involves the fact that much of the entertainment industry products are produced based on a dare. For instance I recently went and saw the movie Wanted. It is grotesquely violent so I am not promoting your viewership, merely using it as an illustration in an attempt to justify and therefore redeem my viewership of it. The premise of the movie is that a group of assassins use the variance of stitching from this loom to determine who fate has pre-selected for elimination. Really? A killer loom? Stitches in fabric that determine who lives or dies? You cannot tell me that a plot like that did not develop from a conversation that went something like this -
Writer 1: I bet you can't make an action movie about a loom.
Writer 2: I could if I wanted but that's lame so I don't.
Writer 1: I dare you.
Writer 2: I shall call it Wanted and cast Angelina Jolie.

I also consider most country western music to be conceived by this method as well.
Country Music writer 1: I bet you can't make a song about the color of a tractor.
Country Music writer 2: I could if I wanted but that's lame so I don't.
Country Music writer 1: I dare you.
Country Music writer 2: I know this guy named Joe Diffe and I like John Deere's a lot .....

You see my point. There is a point where creativity and fresh ideas give way to good old fashion dares. I suspect this is how it works for guys at least since we will take a dare for just about anything. Girls are more girlie and might not take every dare.

I will not cover the etiquette of the dare system and how it escalates from dare to the coveted triple dog dare. That was covered most thoroughly including illustration in the greatest holiday movie ever made "A Christmas Story". The reason I bring dares in the hollowed space that is my blog is because possible my creative excellence has been adversely affected and tainted by the dare process. I most recently blogged about my loving wife and although the words were mine and totally genuine I must confess I was dared to write about her. Yesterday I was discussing with my mother all of life's little pleasures and I overheard my father telling someone else about one of my favorite growing up stories. My mom then proceeded to dare me to blog about it. I believe it was a sarcastic reference but none the less the gauntlet had been dropped.

So I don't remember the specific circumstances surrounding it but suffice to say that on several occasions growing up I would with great expectation and indeed anticipation open my lunch box at school to find a peanut butter and jelly sandwich but instead of the normal slices of bread bookending my little piece of heaven there would be a hot dog bun. Yes a hot dog bun. At first I was a little put off by this unusual culinary combination but upon questioning my mother she, the woman sworn to protect and love me, informed me it was a "special treat". It was her special way of breaking up the monotony that is elementary school lunch. A symbol of her love and sincere concern for my lunch time experience. With this warm blanket of her love draped around me I proudly proclaimed to my lunch time companions the next time I received this truly unique, one of a kind testament to my mothers love that I had a "special treat."

The innocence of youth lingered well into my single years. One day when struck with a powerful hunger combined with a homesickness I went to my barren kitchen and longed for a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. But alas I had no bread but there in the deep recesses of the freezer I found them - hot dog buns. My memory stirred and I returned to a time long ago where I had received a "special treat." And now I could recreate this special treat for myself. However as I pondered further the developing situation in front of me a sickening revelation formed in my hunger clouded mind. It had not been a "special treat" just for me. Mom had merely been out of bread. Innocence was lost that day.

Yesterday my mom not only dared me to blog but then she bragged that it had taken me over 10 years to discover her deception. She was proud of what she had done and how long it had lasted. It leads me to wonder what other frauds she perpetrated on me, what other conspiracies did I suffer? I may never know. But Mom I still love you and in the ultimate twist of fate I know have 2 kids and I am carrying on the proud tradition of deceiving them. Nothing major mind you but you know what - it's kind of fun. Maybe it was a dare that got my mom started. It went something like this.
Mom 1: I bet you can't convince your kid that hot dog bun peanut butter and jelly is a treat.
Mom 2: Oh I can - he's not that bright.

Inspiration

I have been convicted lately that as a leader of any size group or responsibility that I need to be an inspiring leader. People have an amazing capacity to give, sacrifice, and just plain work hard when they are inspired and when they feel like what they do matters and somebody appreciates their contribution.

I am not sure I fully understand what this means for me. I think I have moments where I do this well but it seems too often I loose sight of how important it is or even how to be inspiring. It occurred to me that one way is to examine the things that inspire me. There are many things that inspire me from things as simple as cars, football or music. More complex things inspire me like relationships or people. My kids inspire me with their innocence and wonderment. My small group inspires me as I see people growing in their relationship with Jesus.

Lots of inspiration from lots of places. I am not sure if there is a common thread through all those things and maybe I should examine that more but for now I want to focus on one particular source of inspiration. In the movie As Good As It Gets with Jack Nicholson there is a line that has always stuck with me. It is a little disturbing that a neurotic nearly phobic-ly paralyzed character is the one I resonate with but the line is "You make me want to be a better man." For some reason that has always stuck with me. I think at our core we all are deeply aware of our shortcomings and where we do not measure up. Most of my time is spent trying to cover that up with accomplishments or false bravado. But when I get inspired it makes me want to grow, to change those things about me that are less than they should be and not just for myself but because I have found someone who deserves the very best. In that person I have found motivation to be the best I can be, to grow, and to give more. Other than my Lord Jesus Christ I have only one other person that stirs that inspiration in me and that is Brandie. So this is my humble attempt to use your name as an acronym to describe how you inspire me.

B is because you are beautiful. Your grace and mercy that pours out of you is beautiful in the face of the ugliness that is my judgemental cynicism.

R is for ready. You are always ready for any challenge that comes your way. You have a fearless strength that you can get through anything. I have seen that demonstrated so many ways, so many times this crazy year.

A as in always faithful. You give with endless love that makes me feel like my heart is glass of water next to your endless ocean.

N means naughty which I don't have to explain other than to say you excite me like nothing else ever.

D because you are devoted. As a wife, as a mother - your mission is clear and your pursue it with passion and fierceness.

I Simple put because I love you. I always have - from the first moment on that dark porch going to a softball tournament.

E - you are everything to me and I apologize a 1000 times for not letting you know that every day.

You inspire me to be a better man. Thank you.

Son of Thunder

I was recently discussing with one of my blogging collegues and an as of yet non-blogger the content of our respective or theoritical blogs. I have avoided the somewhat traditional family photos and mushy anecdotes about my cuter then yours kids. However this leaves me in the stuffy, my thoughts are deeper than yours camp. I am not sure that excessive depth has ever been an insult levied at me. So all of these has inspired me to not fall into the trap of thinking my excessively lengthy opinions are what the world is dying to read. And by world I mean the 3 people that read my blog.

That brings me to my first funny observation of the day. I recently was chatting with my brother which in and of itself may not seem like a special occasion since he lives locally. However he might as well live on the moon as often as we see each other. The subject of my entrance into the blogging world came up and he commented that he heard I was blogging and that it was quite good. I was startled by that accusation so I forced him to tell me who had made such an egregious error in judgement. He told me our mother had told him although in the same sentence he mentioned that he didn't think she had actually read it. I found this humorous on multiple levels. Most of all it just reminded me of the power of a mother's love. She just knows I am blogging and she loves me so that is good enough. It must be great. She may or may not even know what a blog is. It could be a contagious disease but since I am her child I will do it better than anyone else. So in case you ever do read it - thanks Mom. I burnt some chicken last night but I did it to the best of my ability - you would have been so proud.

Finally, I was a little bored - ok a lot of bored this morning at my on again off again career as a barista. I started playing the ridiculous what can I google game. After googling some long lost friends (Peter you should totally give the dude his $100 deposit back) I lamely googled my name. Several references came up but the one that caught my eye was the apparent arabic meaning of my last name Raad. It means thunder. Now other than the obvious flatulant implications I was most excited to find that there is a Raad missle. How many people have a missle named after them? I mean seriously. I have only begun to explore the myriad of possibilities of how I can use this information. For the sake of keeping this blog PG rated I will stop there but this has greatly increased my enjoyment of an oft mis-spelled & mis-pronounced name.

Well, I have to blast off (get it - I am a missle) but this has been fun. At least for me. And probable my mom whether she reads it or not.

Where do I withhold?

At Jr. High Camp I got to give 2 messages. The impact of these 2 messages went far beyond what I could have hoped and dreamed. And that was just for me. I have gotten lots of feedback that many others were impacted as well which is an enormous honor.

The second message was about community. The idea that part of Moving to Jesus, which was our theme, is moving in community. It was a fun message because it used the narrative of Ananias and Saphira which is not your normal text to preach from. The story if you don't know or forgot is from Acts 5. The first church is an amazing story and a place where people gave in amazingly generous ways. Some people had houses or lands and they sold them and laid the money at the apostles feet to be distributed to those who had need. After the story of Joseph who was one such person we meet Ananias and Saphira who also sold a field but they withheld from their community by keeping a portion for themselves but saying it was all. The story is unique in that the outcome is they die instantly which wasn't your normal New Testament God story. It is also seemingly harsh since they gave most of the money so it's easy to say yikes what's the big deal. The story is about withholding. Not money. I enjoyed unpacking the idea of how we withhold from our community when we keep parts of who we are and what we have for ourselves. True genuine community deserves the best that we are, all our gifts and talents.

So all of this is fresh in my mind as I have been riding the wave of the success of camp. More details of this will follow when I am able to share but again it is at the forefront of my mind certainly. And as I process all of this I am reading an interesting book given to me called Sex and the Soul. It is about life on college campuses and students quest to reconcile the promiscuous atmosphere with their spiritual or religious views. I am not very far along but as I read through the interviews with students it is mind-blowing how there is such a disconnect for most young people between their religious, spiritual, moral beliefs and their sex lives. As I read this I am struck by a couple of other circumstances I encountered this week where people in my lives who have been moved by Jesus and have a relationship with Him struggle to reconcile that with various aspects of their lives - relationally, monetarily, professionally - whatever. It started me thinking where do I withhold? What aspects of my life do I seem to have this inexplicable disconnect of my faith? I know I have made tremendous steps in applying my faith to more areas of my life this year but what else have I not brought under the Lordship of Jesus Christ? For many students I work with they struggle with this duality that causes them to be one way around certain friends where they can talk about their faith and what Jesus means to them but then with other groups they act totally different. The subtlety when you are in it is so easy to accept but from the outside it is as glaring as some of the stories I read about in this book where college students don't even consider their faith and their sex lives connected.

I know for a lot of people money is the area they withhold. They are committed Christ-followers who believe in the mission of the local church. They give of their time and do give money but to really say that their money is actually God's and looking to honor Him with it instead of considering it their own is totally foreign. I was that way for a long time. I gave but because I should or I was afraid I would jinx myself and God would punish me. Giving up "my" money was so hard. I withheld a lot.

I am a big fan of t-shirts. My wife likes to point this out regularly that I have more t-shirts than the rest of family has clothes. They are comfortable and if they are funny then all the better. I will admit there are some that I do have to be selective of where I wear them. I am not sure that beer slogans or sexual innuendo are appreciated at StuCo. So I choose where and when I can wear them. Some I enjoy but truthfully will never see the light of day. The ones I know people like or laugh at I tend to wear more often. And of course the ones that flatter my less than muscular physique probable get the most action. For too long I have treated my faith like a t-shirt. I choose who to wear it around or when I like to have it on. I take it on and off and exchange it when I don't feel like wearing it. I want it to be popular and make me look good. I am withholding from my community when I say that my faith does not permeate every part of me and every aspect of my life. I can't help it. When will I learn it's not a t-shirt - it's my freakin skin. It is me and how can I give every part of me to this community.

When I do I am the most powerful force on the planet!

What is communication

I am currently at our annual junior high camp. I have had the opportunity to be one of the session speakers. This is an amazing opportunity for a variety of reasons. First our student community team is incredible talented. I am truly humbled to serve with them. This week we all brought our A game. It has been really fun to be a part of. Not only did we all prepare and practice thoroughly, I really got the sense from each and every one who spoke or led worship that we all spent the most time praying over the week and asking God to move through us and in the lives of students. A lot of times at a conference or event it takes a while to build up the intensity and for students to engage but it seemed like from the word go the students were really being impacted. We saw about a dozen students make first time commitments to a relationship with Jesus. Dozens more expressed or publicly declared decisions that they had previously made. I think everyone is walking away with a renewed sense of God moving in their lives. And the week isn't even over yet - we have one more session to go tonight. It has been absolutely amazing.

What struck me as I prepared and then delivered my messages and I listened to my fellow communicators was how much time and energy I put into communicating in a large group setting. I will be honest I am one of those weird people that is not nervous speaking in front of large groups. I am not sure why as many other things terrify me but not that. Sure I get nervous that I will say something stupid or inappropriate (and I often do) or that I will just forget some key part of a message. But in the end getting up in front of large crowds is actually fun for me. I enjoy it. I realized though that communication is something that occurs almost constantly. Those large group moments get a lot of focus and attention but I think I forget or underestimate how much communication I do in every other moment. I even communicate when I don't communicate. I came to a painful and uncomfortable realization with someone this week that my lack of communication to them about something had in turn communicated something to them that I never intended which is apathy. I wonder if for someone like myself who prides themselves on being a good communicator in front of crowds it is more difficult to communicate one on one. Maybe it's just me. Marriage has been an arena where I often get frustrated about communication. It never seems like I do the right kind, at the right time or in the right way. This is in no way a dig to my wife. She is an amazingly patient woman. I often tell her that I don't intentionally not communicate with her I just assume she knows everything I know. Like if it has gone through my brain it must have passed through hers as well. But that is another example of communication that occurs unintentionally. When I leave her out of key details or even mundane experiences it communicates something to her I never intend.

I don't really have any random brilliance on how to solve this problem other than just for me I think I need to remember that all the prayer, preparation and effort I put into public speaking I also need to invest in my more personal forms of communications. For me at times it is less intimidating to speak to a large group than it is a single person. Just as we are challenging the students this week in boldness I too need to be challenged to boldly go beyond my comfort zone and learn the true art of communication in every thing I do. I think Jesus was probable a very gifted public speaker. Speaking with absolute authority as the Son of God definitely gives you an edge but even beyond that he drew large crowds whenever He spoke. He must have had good jokes! But as I look at His life He spent enormous amounts of time one and one with people communicating with them and what He communicated was love and how much He valued them. I think that what made Him so engaging was He wasn't just preaching, He communicated love and respect. I suspect in that area I have a great deal to learn about being a communicator.

What am I handing off

I have recently had to consider the possibility of turning over a couple of things that I have been working on to someone else because of new opportunities. Whenever I am presented with a new adventure I spend a lot of time looking forward. A sort of anxious energy takes over and I find myself daydreaming about what this new chapter will hold. I suspect I spend too much time anticipating the future and neglecting the present. That may be an entry for another time. What has fascinated me is how these opportunities have caused me to look at what I am potentially handing off to someone else. Just like in a football game the exchange between players of the ball is critical. If one or the other fumbles the ball than catastrophe ensues. So a lot of time and energy by way of practice and planning occurs to make sure the exchange is smooth and I think I get that. That is not necessarily new information. In order for any transition to occur smoothly the hand off must be successful. However I have been thinking about what am I handing off. In my sports analogy, what is the ball?

I am on staff at a multi-site church. It's a fun environment but a challenging one at times. It's easy to feel like things are moving so fast that no one would notice if I fell off the ride. We talk all the time about reproduction and not in just the sexual sense. Everything we do is dependent on our ability to reproduce what we do. I understand the benefits of reproducing myself by investing in others, it is ultimately the example that Jesus set. The 2 Timothy 2:2 principle. I even understand the idea that as I build ministry programs that there is benefit in considering is this something I can reproduce. I used to run into that challenge all the time in the business world as a service manager. Was I prepared to do something for a customer once or was it something I could reproduce and offer to every customer? What has surprised me through the process is considering what am I handing over. How much do I value it? How much does it mean to me personally? Am I proud to hand it over or do I look on it with shame and embarrassment?

This process has produced in me this self examination of not just the things affected by these new opportunities but everything. As a Christ follower I believe everything in my life is a gift from God. Too often though I treat the things I do and the relationships I have as my own. The danger is if they are mine to own then I do not ever consider the fact that someday somebody else might own them. Do I really hold all the things I do, and that are so dear to me as the precious gifts they are? Mine to steward and experience for however long God deems appropriate. If I really approach everything from the standpoint that I may have to turn it over to someone else then I treat them differently. I think about it a lot as it pertains to my kids. As they get older I do hand them off relationally to friends, coworkers, romantic relationships or whomever. Have I invested in my kids so that when I hand them over to other relationships of significance am I proud of what I have handed off? Do I properly communicate to them and therefore to the other people they will relate to how much I value that relationship? Do they know that I consider every moment I spend with them a precious gift from God? Only if I act that way. Only if I dedicate the time, energy, blood, sweat, tears and whatever else is required to invest in them and raise them up to be able to reproduce that same thing in their relationships. I just have really been challenged to consider everything I do from the perspective that it is mine to steward and care for only for a set period of time. I need to do it in a manner that makes it something I am proud to hand off. Something that is hopefully better off for the time spent with me and hopefully I am better off for having invested myself in something.